What your Valentine's Date lipstick says about you

Gals, V-day is fast approaching. Your hot date is right around the corner. You’ve picked out your outfit, looked up the menu and decided exactly what you’re going to eat, practised your nonchalant “I have never ever seen this menu before” face, texted the date location to all your girlfriends and are getting ready to a playlist of absolute bangers.

As you reach for the final touch, a wash of gorgeous colour across your mouth, you pause. What vibe am I giving off tonight??

Lucky for you, we have the answers. In this totally scientific* and carefully researched* article, we’ll explore what your Valentine’s date lipstick choice says about you. Strap in. 

*disclaimer: this article is neither of these things. Soz.

Glossier Generation G in Cake

We get it, you’re the cool girl who is “fresh faced” but totally wearing a full face of makeup to achieve that look. You’re gorgeous, unfussy, and want lipstick that will stand up to unceremoniously slurping a bowl of ramen and swigging multiple pints on your date, before you go home and do a minimal skincare routine before tucking yourself into bed with some ethical porn and your fave sex toy. A queen, we stan.

Glossier Ultralip in Cachet

You get your nails done with your right-hand index and middle finger shorter than the rest. You have the fastest tongue skills in the west. You’re probably Gen Z. You’re objectively too cool for me and I’m a little afraid of you.

MAC Matte Lipstick in Russian Red

A shade for those occasions when you and your date need to flee revolutionaries halfway through the entrée. The world as you know it may be shifting around you as you step into your cab ensconced in a fox fur, but your lipstick will stay put. The hottest getaway since Bonnie and Clyde.

Dior Rouge in 999 Velvet

Marilyn Monroe called, she wants you to stop idolising the 50s. Just kidding. Kind of. The original femme fatale. God help your date, they won’t be able to stop staring at your mouth. Oh and did you know, the very first Boshemia article was about red lipstick? You’re welcome.

MAC Satin Lipstick in Film Noir

You’re filthy, insatiable, can’t be tamed. I’m getting Evanescence vibes all over. You’re a goth queen. The perfect shade to leave stamped all over your partner – think Peggy Olson’s campaign for Belle Jolie, but make it queer and ten times sexier.

Tinted lip balm

You mean business. You’re under no pretence. There’s no one way about it, you’re getting fucked this Valentine’s Day and you know it. Sex is well and truly on the menu. Go get ‘em girl.

So there you have it. Go forth with your newfound wisdom and pick your date lipstick shrewdly. And remember the golden rule of post-sex hygiene.