Sexual Health Horoscopes

It’s Sexual Health Week, which means you should probably be thinking about booking your next trip to the clinic or ordering your free online testing kit, and having open and honest conversations with your partners about your sex life.

While these are very important things to be thinking about (and Googling), it’s also sometimes important to take anonymous advice from someone who knows nothing about your life (or, indeed, about astrology). We’d recommend that you do all of the above and take the below horoscopes with a healthy lick of salt and a shot of tequila. Maybe prioritise the sexual health stuff though. 



Maybe you’ve been waiting quite some time for a bit of passion to come into your life. Perhaps you’ve been feeling like everyone around you has been enjoying themselves a bit more than you when it comes to sexual liaisons. Well, now’s the time to keep your eyes peeled as there might be some good fun on your horizon. If you’re in a relationship this might be the time to be brave and declare your deepest desires. Just be sure to stay safe or the consequences of this adventurous time could leave you feeling worse for wear. Regularly check in with yourself and things should get pretty rewarding and exciting. Yes, I’m talking about kink.


If you sense that you’ve been a bit guarded lately, it’s probably for good reason. Consider whether you’re ready for the next step in your love life. You might find you need to take a moment to focus on healing, whether it’s a bad back, a broken heart or something deeper. Don’t be afraid to seek help, talk to professionals and benefit from the support of those around you. Rest up, allow yourself to be vulnerable and don’t be embarrassed to pop to the doctors if something’s worrying you...down there.



Sometimes it’s okay not to want more from life. You’re likely to feel content at the moment as it’s been a good time for nurturing creativity and fostering stability. If there’s a voice in the back of your head telling you it’s too good, too convenient or too relaxed, it might be a good idea to see how it all pans out and mull it over before taking action. Although you’re somewhat prone to spontaneity when it comes to sex and relationships, this could be a great time to enjoy your own company and pamper yourself a little without rocking the boat or letting doubt take hold. Run yourself a nice bath, you deserve it.


Do you feel like you’re searching for something more in spite of all your recent social triumphs? Following a period of uncharacteristic emotional clarity, you might find yourself feeling a little lost when it comes to issues of identity and sexual preferences, or you may be questioning whether or not your sex life is fulfilling enough. Maybe the answer is right in front of your nose. Listen to the signs, don’t make any snap decisions and all will be revealed. Just be sure not to rely on less emotionally intelligent friends (or google) — especially if you’re experiencing any unexpected stress or (uncomfortable symptoms.)


There’s a chance it feels like everything’s a bit of a battle right now. Maybe you’re struggling to make time for yourself amid a busy schedule. It may seem counterproductive, but booking a bit of time off work or taking some space from social engagements might be the best thing to do right now. You might miss out on the sexual conquest or fantasy you’ve been chasing, but that’s ok. Your strength comes from within, not external validation. If you’ve been considering sex work opportunities this might not be the best time.


Honesty can foster the best relationships but could also be more useful in your sex life than you’d imagine. You’re not exactly a closed book, but it might be time to focus your energy on your own needs sexually, whether that means investing in some quality toys, requesting more of what you like when spending time with a partner or taking the reins from time to time to restore the power balance. If you’re queer this is a particularly great time to consider any desires you’ve neglected in the quest for authenticity — it could be fun to explore these again with a new perspective.


Whatever the obstacle you’re currently facing, you’ll find all of the calm and know how to solve it as Mercury and Venus enter your home-sign Libra. Matters of the heart, sexual tension and issues of communication will all iron themselves out as you start to really find your voice. You might find yourself coaching a new partner through some sexual inexperience, speaking publicly about issues of consent, or guiding friends through rocky times. You may feel wise, needed and sometimes full of it; just try and stay humble and grounded as you power through this energetic and potentially turbulent time. And for Pete’s sake, check your privilege. 



If you’re feeling a little under-appreciated it may be that you’re expecting too much of the people around you. Your feelings are valid and justified, but hammering the point might leave your relationships feeling a little tense. Allow people to try and please you on their own terms, even if it makes you feel vulnerable. You may learn a few things about your own desires and your sexual power. Don’t be afraid of whatever it is you unlock, because the more you know about yourself and your emotional and sexual vocabulary the more you can communicate what you really need. Maybe go get a massage, I’m sensing you might need a massage.


Finding your comfort zone might have taken some work, and it’s a great place to be, but you might find yourself slipping into a rut. When it comes to sex, you might find that just changing up your repertoire from time to time is no longer enough, but don’t be tempted to take unnecessary risks or issue ultimatums either. There are some really positive and inexpensive ways to keep things feeling fun and fresh. An honest conversation and a bit of role play might be just the ticket. If you’re finding it all a bit overwhelming or feel something’s holding you back, just take a step back and focus on other things — like antiques or bowling. 


You might sense that your loved ones have been worried about you of late. If you haven’t noticed you’re acting out of character that might be because it’s exactly what you need right now. But seeking escapism can be the first sign you’re not entirely happy. Resist pandering to the voices of concern, but do make sure you’re staying on the right track. Steer clear of substances that cloud your judgement while things settle down. When it comes to sex, try not to get lost in your fantasies, because there’s a high chance you’ll receive some unexpected news that brings reality abruptly to the fore. Sounds mysterious doesn’t it?



As you grapple with issues that will ultimately boost your self-esteem, it’s important not to play games. Be aware of any manipulative traits you possess because they will not serve you well in this period of growth. If you have a tendency to take things a bit too seriously this could be a rewarding time to let loose. When it comes to your love life, childish games and parties might spark joy and romance, but try not to focus too much on anything other than socialising and having fun as this may bring about some difficult choices. Maybe this is a good time to try group sex, as you’re likely find yourself in a whirlwind of romance soon enough.


It’s one thing putting things on hold during a period of stress, and another to neglect important matters entirely. If you’ve been putting a visit to the doctor or an important conversation off for a while, it might be worth considering why you’re finding it so hard to face right now. Are you struggling to value yourself and your time? Maybe a few simple changes and a bit more organisation would give you the freedom to explore projects you’d be more excited about. Maybe it would even give you time to shift the focus back to your sex life. Try saying no more, setting boundaries and making a little more time for romance. When was the last time you went on a date? 


Magic 8 Ball

Question: do any of the above signs have an STI?

Answer: there’s only one way to find out!