How to set new year goals that won't make you hate yourself
Happy New Year, queers!
If there’s one thing I personally hate about the first weeks of each new year, it’s the constant messaging from all angles around New Year’s Resolutions. They are, invariably, some variation on “change X about yourself” or “mould yourself into a society-approved box!”. And that’s not even getting into the whole fatphobia of it all.
The intense moral whiplash that our society collectively performs at new year is truly bizarre. We spend a solid six weeks revelling in festive cheer, encouraging and even exalting overindulgence, overconsumption, over-the-top feasting and drinking, extra capitalism, and general excess – then the second we wake on the first day of January, a switch flips and we should apparently All Feel Very Bad About What We Did.
Gross. Nah thanks.
Who keeps their resolutions anyway?
We all know that resolutions are seldom kept in earnest. I attribute this to three main things:
They’re typically totally arbitrary and based on what people think they ought to be doing, rather than on what they want to be doing. This is usually informed by a desire to be seen to be doing The Right Thing™, rather than listening to what you actually want to do. Yay for optics!
Most resolutions seem to be focused on taking things away, rather than on adding to your life. January is miserable enough already without adding shame and restriction into the mix.
Good ol’ capitalism rearing its head again. Creating shame is a time-honoured and foolproof way to sell you more shit you don’t need. Yes, maybe moving your body more will make you feel good – no, you don’t need a new set of aesthetic gym gear, a meal box subscription, and an entire home gym set up to make that happen. I know the dopamine hit of buying something pretty makes you truly believe that this will be the magical item that changes everything, but sweetie please put your phone down and drink a glass of water. Don’t fall into the trap.
When your randomly-chosen, guilt-ridden resolutions inevitably collapse, you’ll just feel shit about yourself for not managing to achieve something you likely didn’t want to do in the first place. Plus now there’s extra clutter in your house that you’ll never use and a subscription charge you’ll forget to cancel for several months (hello to my fellow ADHDers). It’s a perfect set up for failure.
The idea that we should be optimising and improving and upgrading on a yearly basis like some kind of machine or product is a horrible byproduct of our capitalist world – it’s the same itch that fuels Hustle Culture, the same concept that tech bros masturbate over. It’s gross. It’s giving AI productivity slop.
A period of reflection
That said, I get it. I get the urge to use the calendar transition period to pause, take stock, and mark the end and beginning of chapters in your life. I’m a reflective bitch, I love using a milestone moment to review and recalibrate. It can be an empowering mindset shifting tool when you’ve been going through a monumentally shit time, and having a vague guide can reintroduce some low-stakes direction and stop you from drifting and getting lost in the quagmire of time.
In my opinion, this is what this period is really for. It’s kind of what New Year’s Resolutions in their traditional form are getting at, but they’re going about it all wrong and encouraging people to shoot for the moon.
Some of the questions I ask myself:
What makes me happy? How can I find a way to do more of it?
What is draining my energy? How can I find a way to do less of it?
Are there any habits I’ve fallen into that I want to work on changing?
Am I holding onto anything that’s unhelpful?
What did the past year teach me? How can I apply those lessons?
Or, you can skip all of those and simply go for: “what would make this year even more fun?” Last year, a friend of mine set herself a challenge to bake her way through the alphabet. 10/10 new year goal, zero notes from me.
Crucially, this should be a positive exercise. It’s about stopping to take stock and listen to yourself about where you want to go next. The best lists generally feature things to add to your life, or to continue doing. If you find yourself putting something on there because “I should probably…”, cut it out!
Boshemia’s goals
To get you inspired, here are some of the goals the Boshemia team have set:
Watch 50 movies and log them all on Letterboxd
Set app time limit on Instagram to reduce doomscrolling
Write more
Watch more foreign language films
Leave the house at least four days a week (even if it’s just to walk to the corner shop)
Hang out 1:1 with friends more often
Learn to crochet
Log and review the books I read
Go and take 10 mins to put pen to paper and come up with yours. Don’t make too many, don’t make them too big. Maybe all you want is to learn to cook two new meals this year, or make your rent every month, or take your meds every day. That’s fine!
The point is that you don’t need to aim for earth-shatteringly grand achievements. Honestly, if all you do is make it to the end of the year alive, you’ve done great.
