Haven't You Heard? We Don't #BelieveWomen Anymore

[CW: domestic abuse, sexual abuse]

[NB: throughout this article I refer to several clickbait articles by “body language experts” / Johnny Depp stans who are analysing everything Amber Heard does to paint her in the worst light possible. I’m not going to link to those articles because they don’t deserve the clicks, but they’re all over the internet]

It seemed like an open and shut case when I first wrote about the Amber Heard / Johnny Depp case six years ago. There was a video of him creating an unsafe atmosphere by breaking cabinets and slamming them shut, generally acting like an intimidating piece of shit. This, however, was pre #MeToo. In October 2017, Ronan Farrow published an exposé on serial rapist and abuser, Harvey Weinstein, prompting countless women to come forward and share their stories of abuse. Turns out women got it pretty rough - who knew?! (Women knew but don’t worry about it). Maybe, just maybe, society should believe women? Oooh, that’s a fun hashtag, right?

Well, it’s been nearly five years of #believingwomen, and that’s enough of that quite frankly.

The Perfect Victim

What do we expect from a victim?

Do we expect silence? Do we expect them to be perpetually in tears – but not “crocodile tears” which are “obviously faked.” Do we want them to have a career following the abuse? Do we want them to remain perpetual shut-ins following the abuse, so that maybe in half a decade, we can “mourn their lack of careers”, as we did for so many of the Weinstein victims? Their body language must fit the narrow definition of “victim” that we have created, every angle must be tightly deciphered until we are happy that they fit the description.

Do we expect them not to fight back or speak up, until one day we are eulogising them?

Amber Heard is by no means a perfect victim. She dated Elon Musk, she snuck some dogs into Australia, and now she’s associated with anti-Palestine activist, Eve Barlow. Furthermore, I’m not here to deny that at times she was physical against Johnny Depp but, if even half the stuff in this Twitter thread is true, can you really blame her? “Mutual Abuse” is a term that’s being thrown about to describe the situation, where Depp stans, who have seen the overwhelming amount of evidence against him, will claim that it was just a “toxic relationship” and that they’re “just as bad as each other.”

Mutual abuse is not a thing.

Abuse is about creating a hierarchy of power. The abusive party will create an atmosphere where they have power and control of the abused, keeping them in the relationship and continuing the cycle of abuse. The myth of mutual abuse allows the abusive party to shift blame onto the victim, blaming them for the abuser's violent behaviour. It is not abusive to fight back or stand up for yourself not fighting back or standing up for yourself. Abuse is a pattern of behaviour intended to wield power over someone else. As Domestic Shelters wrote: “To say partners are mutually abusive puts undue blame on the survivor and reinforces the belief that the abuse is the survivor’s fault. The mutual abuse myth also supports the abuser’s behavior—when both people are to blame, it can justify their actions.”

Throughout the Heard/Depp relationship, who really had the power here? The 22-year-old Hollywood newcomer, or the man twice her age and twice her size, who happens to be one of the most celebrated and famous people in the entire world

The image slander has gotten wildly out of control, and people are cherry picking bits of the testimony to make Amber Heard seem like a villain. Milani Cosmetics came out and said that there’s no way Amber Heard could have used their colour correcting palette to hide her bruises because they hadn’t even been released. It was blatantly obvious that the Milani colour correcting palette was clearly a placeholder for any random makeup palette, and actually Milani had released the palette while the couple were still together. People are taking screenshots of Heard blowing her nose and using it as proof that she’s doing cocaine on the stand. Suddenly, everyone online is a body language expert? Every single thing Heard is doing is being cross examined by an online jury who are already convinced that she’s a conniving, gold-digging, abusive villain. She’s reaching for Kleenex? Well, she must be doing a covert bump of cocaine in the middle of her testimony. She closed her eyes for too long? Well, that clearly means that she’s a sociopath comparable to Ted Bundy.

The Meme-ification of Abuse

Alongside the internet analyses, come the memes. On TikTok several people, including *NSYNC D-lister Lance Bass, have lip-synched to audio from Heard’s testimony, making her an object of ridicule. Other TikTokers have reacted to her recounting her sexual assault by her ex-husband, acting like it’s the hottest thing in the world, and that by raping her with a glass bottle, doing cavity searches for drugs or touching her without her consent, he did nothing wrong. Meanwhile, the TikTok algorithm is forcing this on everyone’s For You Page.

As she recounts some of the most painful experiences of her life, the court jeers and laughs at her, ready to throw rotten tomatoes and present her in the stocks.

Even if you believe Johnny Depp was the abused party here, how is making memes of his abuser helping the case? In what universe is spousal abuse a laughing matter? Why the fuck are you making fancams of a man testifying against his ex-wife. Where was this vitriol for Harvey Weinstein or Bill Cosby, or any of the countless men who have been exposed as abusers in the past five years?

With every hashtag and lip-sync video the message ro DV victims is clear; if you are a women speaking out against abuse, you are an open target. Nothing you say will be taken seriously. As if the wall-to-wall coverage of the case wasn’t triggering enough, now victims have to deal with active mockery. As Dr Jessica Taylor, of the anti-victim-blaming group Victim Focus, tweeted last week: “The fact that a man going into court to face his ex-wife giving extremely graphic testimony of sexual assault and abuse is met with gifts, fans, banners, women crying and men high-fiving him is pretty jaw-dropping no matter your views on this case”.

The Body Of Proof

I could go on and talk about how the “proof” that Heard has been abusing Depp was edited audio leaked by Depp’s former lawyer, who got fired for releasing evidence, or how Depp has shown erratic and unprofessional behaviour on set for decades now. I could talk about everyone who has testified against Heard has been on Johnny Depp’s payroll, or how there has been proven evidence that Depp’s team have been using bots to further the anti-Heard campaign online. I could talk about the text messages in which he says ““I will fuck her burnt corpse afterwards to make sure she’s dead,”, or I could talk about how he would write threatening messages to Heard in his own blood on the walls. I could talk about how a UK court deemed him a “wife beater,” on no fewer than 12 occasions, or how this trial sets a dangerous precedent, as now Depp’s bestie Marilyn Manson is planning on suing Evan Rachel Wood. 

But ultimately, it doesn’t matter. The damage has been done. The abuse of Heard has spread from a courtroom to the internet, as the constant memes and vilification continue the psychological turmoil that Depp started. Following #MeToo, the public has been eagerly waiting for an excuse to stop believing women and return to the good old days of openly hating us instead.

Meanwhile, the cultural message is clear to victims of domestic abuse: shut up and take it.